A month over due...but better late than never is kind of a theme for my life. ha! For those of you who couldn't be in the courtroom here is your play-by-play. Enjoy!


It was like a wedding.

The amount of preparation. The nerves. The family and friends. The new clothes. The photographer. The planning.


I was jittery. Past anxious, past excited...just jittery.


We missed our exit due to construction and had to u-turn and find it coming from the other direction. (I think Kris was jittery too) When I get nervous/anxious I tend to fidgit, tap on things, ask questions and apply lip gloss over and over again. When Kris gets nervous he gets quiet and speaks in quick short answers. Yeah, we're a great pair.




I remember wanting to sprint up the steps of the courthouse, burst thru the doors and announce to all the people waiting in line at security "Today is our adoption day!". (very monica-esque for you Friends devotees, except without the whole tripping and falling bit.)
I didn't do it, but I sure wanted to.


Our case was put at the beginning of the docket for the day. And since our group was so big they asked us to wait outside until the judge was ready. After we walked in, they allowed our whole group to stand behind us in front of the judge.


I started crying right as we got up to the table. Of course. (Thank you Maybelline for your waterproof mascara.)



The judge looked at everyone and said, "are you all adopting this child?" and because they are awesome, our group all said "Yes!" I love you guys!

He then followed that up with "this is a good way to start off the day. Adoptions are the only good thing that happens in a courthouse."

Hank was wiggly. He wanted mama, wanted dada, wanted crackers, wanted milk. But overall he did really well for a toddler.

This judge took his time. Looked through the file, asked questions and asked for paperwork. I was just praying that it was all there.


He asked our lawyer questions and asked Hank's workers questions. They all stated that they felt this was the best placement for this child. I finally breathed, for I think the first time in 15 months.




The judge approved the name change and the adoption and said "if this child turns out half as well as another man, Steve Jobs, who was also adopted. Then we will all be in good shape."



And there it was. Done. He's ours. Everyone cheered and cried. And we all hugged.



Perfect moment.

Everyone asks the same question now. "So are you so relieved it's done?" And at first I didn't know how to explain what I was feeling, so I just said yes. But I realize that relief isn't the right word for it.

Count down!

Dear Hank-
Happy adoption week. It feels so overwhelming to finally be saying those words. I seem to have trouble coming to grips with the fact that we are actually at this place. It all seems so surreal, I have to pinch myself a lot.

I had a hard time coming up with something to write in the month of September. I hated to miss a month(New Years resolutions and all), but I just had no more words to write other than joyful. That was and still is the best word to describe us right now. When your cup is overflowing, sometimes words just don't do it justice.

On Friday we will change your name. You will be a Jones. I'm hoping that I don't turn into a blubbering mess in the court room, but be prepared that I probably will. We'll have video.

I hope you know that this blog is my love letter to you.
The good, bad and ugly.
It's my fight, my struggle, my tears, my heart and my love.

But I've come to terms with the fact that Love isn't always beautiful. Sometimes Love is hard and sometimes you have to fight for it. But Love is always worth it.

Someday I'll give you these pages. This thing that I started as something to keep friends and family updated on you and the status of your case turned into something very personal and theraputic. I hope you will read it and discover how beautifully God orchestrated your life. I also want you to know our heart and know how much you are loved.

I made these 'Wishes for Hank' cards for your adoption party. I'm hoping to make a book of them for you after everyone has filled them out.
Something else for you to read someday...

So here is mine:

I hope you learn... to be adventerous. There is a big world outside, and it's just waiting for you to rock it.

I hope you aren't afraid... to be different. Be a Joshua, be a Caleb, be a Daniel. Be someone that's different not to rebel, but b/c it's right.

I hope you love... Jesus, your momma!, to laugh, to be silly, to go to ballgames. I hope you love life.

I hope you get... your daddy's math skills b/c he's soo much better at it than me!

I hope you laugh... all the time b/c your laugh can light up a room.

I hope you never forget... that God has such HUGE plans for your life, and that we love you more today than yesterday.

I hope you become... the kid who includes the guy who sits alone at lunch. The kind of person who stands up for people who are being mis-treated, hurt or abused.

I hope you ignore... people who say "you can't." (except if you're grounded don't ignore that.)

I hope you respect... authority.

I hope you grow... into a man with a calm mind, a sweet spirit, and a heart that loves the Lord.

Those are my wishes for you my sweet boy. Someday you might look at me and roll your eyes at this b/c it's soo cheesy. But you'll never have to wonder how we feel about you.

You are a dream come true.
An answered prayer.
A living miracle.

I found this little verse, it seems fitting for this week:
This is the start of your sweet little story, the part where your page meets mine.
No matter where your tale takes you tomorrow our story will always read LOVE.

beating the odds

So, as we enter into the final phases of the adoption process...which moves way slower than you would like, so just pack your patience...we were given three huge stacks of paper.

His file.

This file contains every scrap of information that has been said, written or investigated on behalf of this child or his case. Seriously, 3 mountains of information...and he's only been in foster care for a year. Just imagine the file of a child who has been in the system for a while.

Everyone had told us to prepare ourselves for what we would read in the file. Parent's history, family history...the good, bad and the ugly. It was never a question of if we were going to read it, but I guess the question was more "do we want to know?"

Do we want to know all the little details?
Do we want to know what happened before he was our baby?
Will this change our view of his parents?

I was prepared for the details. But what I wasn't prepared for was how close we came to losing him.

As we read through and touched every piece of paper we discovered many extended family members had been contacted, several had expressed interest in baby H...my baby.
A few even said they wanted him placed in their home.
One was listed as the best option.

We weren't even considered.

I started getting anxious just reading through all the emails and phone records and realizing how close we came...how he could have been taken so early on.

And then you start seeing God move.

It was like I could read it in the file. Some of the families were not approved. Some lost interest, some stopped returning phone calls. And then just in May the family that had been listed as the best option took their name off the list.

It was hard to read, even though I knew how it ended. Knowing how hard it was for us, and how we cried and prayed and agonized over our uncertain future with this baby...and now reading what was happening on the other side as well...just makes me even more grateful, more thankful, more humbled.

We have already been asked what we're gonna do with the file. Are we going to keep it? The whole thing? Will we tell him what's in it, or let him read it for himself?

And the answer to those questions is I dont' know.
I mean, yes we will keep it. I think I'll weed out some of the non-sense. There is a lot of jargon and randomness in it as well...but maybe not.

I'm kinda a cross that bridge when I get there kind of girl.
While I think it's important for him to know where he came from, I also think it's important that it not come from us. I want him to someday read it for himself. Come to conclusions the same way we did...by reading the facts.

I want him to know how much he was/is wanted...by so many people. I also want him to read how God orchestrated the whole thing. I think it will be a beautiful picture of Jeremiah 29:11 for him someday.

As we get closer to our final adoption date I become more and more humbled that we were chosen to be this baby's parents.

There are many times of the day I find myself at a loss for words.
In awe of God's wisdom and timing.
So thankful for this gift, but even more thankful for the Giver.

90 days

Today begins the process that we have been waiting for...for over a year.

I think I would have adopted you the first nite if they had let me. But alas, we had a year of growing, learning and praying to do to arrive at this day.

All the fears of this last year have melted. They are now memories of growth, prayers, tears and learning to enjoy the moments.

We arrive gratefully, humbly & joyfully.

We are grateful that we were chosen to be your parents. Literally chosen. Chosen by God and chosen by a team of CPS workers. *big sigh of relief*

We are grateful & humbled that we were chosen to walk through this emotional, trying, challenging and spirit-growing last year. And we would do it all over again because you are worth it...every bit.

We are humbled everyday that the grace of God allows us to be apart of the big plans He has for your life. You are going to do some amazing things, I can feel it.

We are so joyful.
Just overwhelmingly joyful.
Happy beyond words.
Thank you Lord.

"The Lord has done great things for us, and our hearts are filled with Joy." Psalm 126:3

June 11, 2010

There are days in our lives that we just never forget.
Wedding day
graduation day
days with grandparents
and for some people the birth of their children.

But for us, it it's a little different. We weren't there when you were born. While your birth day is so important b/c without it we wouldn't have you...the day I'll always hold close to my heart is the day you came into our lives.

One year ago today you arrived.
4pm, tiny & asleep.
We were scared, excited and scared.

I remember that afternoon & evening like it was in slow motion and one big blur all at the same time. From the phone call to them bringing you to our door....It was surreal, like a dream. What size diapers do 28 day-old baby's wear? How much of a bottle should he take? The poor social workers were younger than we were...they didn't know either. Lots of phone calls...mom, help.

That first week, I remember being afraid to love you too much. Knowing that any day they could call and come pick you up. I would kiss your little feet, your little hands and the top of your little head...but for some reason I couldn't kiss your little face. It somehow felt too personal...too motherly. I think that lasted about 3 days, and I caved. I realized that it didn't matter how I felt. You deserved, needed & craved love. 110% love. Holding back because I was afraid of myself getting hurt was doing you a disservice. You needed a mother right then, not when I felt it was ok.

A year ago if someone had asked me if we were prepared to have an infant at our house, I would have said no. We wanted one, but didn't think we were actually ready.
Funny how I now realize that this role is something I have been preparing for my whole life...unknowingly, innate, instinctive.

I always make a wish before I blow out my birthday candles, just silly, never expecting it to actually come true. When I turned 30 I wished that I could become a mother before my 31st birthday. My wish came true. You made me a mother.

You are my wish, my prayer, my hope.
You are fearfully & wonderfully made.
You are a blessing & a joy.
A dream come true.

Grateful that we have been chosen to be your parents.
Thankful for the last year, hopeful for 100 more.

One singular sensation

...every little step he takes...

Happy birthday to my little love.

In not quite a year you have completely rocked our world and given me the best on-the-job-training I've ever had.

Busy doesn't seem to adequately describe you...hell-bent would be a better description, but I know my mom wouldn't appreciate me saying hell in a blog so we'll just call you determined.

You laugh, alot. You smile, alot. You eat, alot. You are ALL BOY!
You chatter.
You sing when you get sleepy and you clap your hands when you're proud of yourself.

You are joyful.

You love bathtime. You love Harley. You love music. You love books.
You love your dada.
You love to snuggle. You love faces. You are affectionate.

You are opinionated.
You are curious.
You are messy.
You are funny.

Because of you I have learned:
how to fight the good fight.
how to live; faith, hope & love simultaneously.
.............that faith is more than just belief, it's a call to action
.............to hold out hope against all odds
.............that love never fails, even on the unloveable.
that love is a choice. not always the easy choice, but the necessary choice.
that God hears my prayers.


You are more than we could have asked for or imagined.

We couldn't be more happy to be your parents for this time in your life. Reminds me of my favorite story..."for you have come to this position for such a time as this."(karis paraphrase) Even if it was just for this year, you are/have been a joy & a blessing.

Praying for forever, but grateful for the now.

For this child I have prayed, and the Lord has granted my request.
~happy birthday my little love.

Love Wins.

Everyday i learn that when it comes to this whole process of foster care & adoption there's really no set playbook. No one can say 'this is what happens everytime & this is what happens next' b/c every case is different. It's all just speculation and assumption of what has happened before...

ha! kinda like life i guess.

all that to say, decisions were made today at the mediation, some decisions were good for us...but most of the decisions just result in more waiting on our part. tomorrow's trial will just be a formality of paperwork, unfortunately.

In a perfect world, every party involved in the mediation today would have agreed that we are the absolute best choice for this child. That plan would be taken to court tomorrow, the judge would think it was a great plan, bang the gavel & dismiss court...cut, print, end of story & we all live happily ever after.

But I guess my version is a little too pie-in-the-sky for real life.

In real life there's a lot of red tape.
In real life they like to exhaust all other possibilities.
In real life not everything goes as planned the first time around.
In real life you have to listen to a lot of other opinions that don't make much sense.

disappointed, yes.
pressed, but not crushed.

Hopeful, always.

We have to hold out hope that love wins.
Love always protects
Love always trusts
Love always hopes
Love always perseveres
Love never fails.

it doesn't say that love always gets its way. but i refuse to doubt that love isn't the right decision.