So, as we enter into the final phases of the adoption process...which moves way slower than you would like, so just pack your patience...we were given three huge stacks of paper.
This file contains every scrap of information that has been said, written or investigated on behalf of this child or his case. Seriously, 3 mountains of information...and he's only been in foster care for a year. Just imagine the file of a child who has been in the system for a while.
Everyone had told us to prepare ourselves for what we would read in the file. Parent's history, family history...the good, bad and the ugly. It was never a question of if we were going to read it, but I guess the question was more "do we want to know?"
Do we want to know all the little details?
Do we want to know what happened before he was our baby?
Will this change our view of his parents?
I was prepared for the details. But what I wasn't prepared for was how close we came to losing him.
As we read through and touched every piece of paper we discovered many extended family members had been contacted, several had expressed interest in baby H...my baby.
A few even said they wanted him placed in their home.
One was listed as the best option.
We weren't even considered.
I started getting anxious just reading through all the emails and phone records and realizing how close we came...how he could have been taken so early on.
And then you start seeing God move.
It was like I could read it in the file. Some of the families were not approved. Some lost interest, some stopped returning phone calls. And then just in May the family that had been listed as the best option took their name off the list.
It was hard to read, even though I knew how it ended. Knowing how hard it was for us, and how we cried and prayed and agonized over our uncertain future with this baby...and now reading what was happening on the other side as well...just makes me even more grateful, more thankful, more humbled.
We have already been asked what we're gonna do with the file. Are we going to keep it? The whole thing? Will we tell him what's in it, or let him read it for himself?
And the answer to those questions is I dont' know.
I mean, yes we will keep it. I think I'll weed out some of the non-sense. There is a lot of jargon and randomness in it as well...but maybe not.
I'm kinda a cross that bridge when I get there kind of girl.
While I think it's important for him to know where he came from, I also think it's important that it not come from us. I want him to someday read it for himself. Come to conclusions the same way we did...by reading the facts.
I want him to know how much he was/is wanted...by so many people. I also want him to read how God orchestrated the whole thing. I think it will be a beautiful picture of Jeremiah 29:11 for him someday.
As we get closer to our final adoption date I become more and more humbled that we were chosen to be this baby's parents.
There are many times of the day I find myself at a loss for words.
In awe of God's wisdom and timing.
So thankful for this gift, but even more thankful for the Giver.