There are days in our lives that we just never forget.
days with grandparents
and for some people the birth of their children.
But for us, it it's a little different. We weren't there when you were born. While your birth day is so important b/c without it we wouldn't have you...the day I'll always hold close to my heart is the day you came into our lives.
One year ago today you arrived.
4pm, tiny & asleep.
We were scared, excited and scared.
I remember that afternoon & evening like it was in slow motion and one big blur all at the same time. From the phone call to them bringing you to our door....It was surreal, like a dream. What size diapers do 28 day-old baby's wear? How much of a bottle should he take? The poor social workers were younger than we were...they didn't know either. Lots of phone calls...mom, help.
That first week, I remember being afraid to love you too much. Knowing that any day they could call and come pick you up. I would kiss your little feet, your little hands and the top of your little head...but for some reason I couldn't kiss your little face. It somehow felt too personal...too motherly. I think that lasted about 3 days, and I caved. I realized that it didn't matter how I felt. You deserved, needed & craved love. 110% love. Holding back because I was afraid of myself getting hurt was doing you a disservice. You needed a mother right then, not when I felt it was ok.
A year ago if someone had asked me if we were prepared to have an infant at our house, I would have said no. We wanted one, but didn't think we were actually ready.
Funny how I now realize that this role is something I have been preparing for my whole life...unknowingly, innate, instinctive.
I always make a wish before I blow out my birthday candles, just silly, never expecting it to actually come true. When I turned 30 I wished that I could become a mother before my 31st birthday. My wish came true. You made me a mother.
You are my wish, my prayer, my hope.
You are fearfully & wonderfully made.
You are a blessing & a joy.
A dream come true.
Grateful that we have been chosen to be your parents.
Thankful for the last year, hopeful for 100 more.