mom knows best

How is it that moms know everything? And how is it that my mom always knows what I'm gonna need before I do? It's like espn or something. ;)

This past weekend when my mom & sis were here we went shopping & running around. We were in this bookstore when mom picked up this book and started telling me how great it was. It was a daily devotional book. I've seen lots of them, I have lots of them. The small, one-page daily reads...as you can tell I was real impressed...
But mom kept on about this book, saying that each one spoke to her and it was as if God was speaking to her heart. I admit I was intrigued. She said, "If you're interested I'll buy it for you." Now, I've never been one to turn down a gift, so I said 'sure'.

Ever since we got baby H my bible studies have slowed down to a crawl. And when I have found time to sit down...either b/c the baby is asleep or entertained...I find myself getting distracted with my mental list making of things I need to get done while he's occupied....focusing isn't my strong suit. So I thought, 'yeah I'll give this little book a try.'

I have had this book since Saturday and today(wednesday) was the first day I picked it up. Let me just say...this chick packed a lot of good stuff into a little book!
Kris and I had a hard afternoon yesterday after getting an progress update from H's lawyer, and so today I opened the book needing words to calm my fears and bring rest to my crazy thoughts...and this is what I read:

Come to Me with all your weaknesses: physical, emotional, and spiritual. Rest in the comfort of My Presence, remembering that nothing is impossible with Me. Pry your mind away from your problems so you can focus your attention on Me. Recall that I am able to do immeasurably more than all you ask or imagine. Instead of trying to direct Me to do this and that, seek to attune yourself to what I am already doing. When anxiety attempts to wedge its way into your thoughts, remind yourself that I am your Shepherd. The bottom line is that I am taking care of you; therefore, you needn't be afraid of anything. Rather than trying to maintain control over your life, abandon yourself to My will. Though this may feel frightening--even dangerous, the safest place to be is in My will.

Jesus Calling by Sarah Young

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...yep, not much left to say after that...Thank you Lord.

What I love...

Bear with me, I'm going to do a little bragging.

Kris did not grow up around babies or small children for that matter. He was the youngest kid in his family and for a long time the youngest grandchild. He was naturally good with kids, but any age younger than 4yrs made him nervous, and just forget about babies. He had never babysat, changed a diaper, made a bottle and definitely never let anyone or anything puke on him.

Enter baby H...

This baby has changed him. I think his insides actually turned to mush when he held H that first nite...it was all over. Kris said from that moment he knew that he was supposed to do everything in his power to protect and provide for this child.

From the very beginning this has been a team effort. There has not been a moment that we have not shared. Kris has not shied(shy-d, not sure how to spell that one) away from the mess that just comes with babies. And oh my the mess. But thank the Lord, I was not home for the first big blow-out diaper. It was all Kris...all by himself. But I got the text and laughed. Someday I hope to be able to post the video of the second big one...it was Kris' turn then too(yes we took turns) and it was greatness.

He has dressed the baby, even picking out outfits...learning that buttons go in the back.(even though I've been told that boys don't wear outfits.)

But I think my favorite thing has been watching him become a father. Not having a real solid father figure in his own childhood/teenage years I think he was concerned about the kind of father he was going to be...but let me just say...he's wonderful. It's amazing what comes naturally to mothers and fathers alike. Instinct just kicks in right when it's supposed to.

It's amazing what love does.
It's amazing what God does.

I love seeing H light up when Kris walks in the room. I love watching him love on H and kiss that little bald head. I love seeing them on the floor playing together and I love when he says "let me take him" and "where's my boy?."

Correct me if I'm wrong girls, but seeing your husband(or your boyfriend) love on and care for a baby might just be the sexiest thing a man can do...can I say sexy on a blog?

Anyways...I say all that b/c I thought there might be some soon-to-be dad's or soon-to-be foster dad's that are anxious about being a father or having doubts that they're even ready. And to that I say...you'll never be ready. If you wait until you're ready, you won't do it. Just trust that God has made you for this purpose and will give you the skills you need when you need them. You'll be wonderful. Do what comes naturally. Sleep when you can. Pray over that sweet baby. And love more everyday.

holding pattern

We are in the last 5 months of H's case. Up to this point everything has been a big hurry-up and wait. Like getting to the airport 2 hrs before your flight only to find out it's been delayed. But now things are starting to move...lot of conflicting emotions happening lately. I'm excited about the possibility of the parental rights being terminated and we can move fwd with adoption, but I(we) are also very aware of the fact that nothing is decided yet and that we still have to be chosen to be the parents of this child. Sometimes the uncertainty of it all is paralyzing....How many more months/days to we have with him? Should we start saving for his college? What happens if a distant relative shows up and wants to be considered in his permanent placement?
A couple of weeks ago it all really got to me. The count down, info overload, the complete and utter lack of control that we have in this situation...I had to take a few days and just cry about it, all of it. Good thing I have an understanding husband.

April 20th is the big date...we've been told. This is the date the parental rights will be terminated(if all goes as planned). After that we have to wait 90 days from termination until we can file for adoption...seriously? excruciating! That will be the most critical time of the entire case...and the part I'm dreading the most. From what I understand during that time we will be reviewed(again) and any family members or other parties that the parents bring to the caseworkers will also have to be reviewed & considered just like us. That's the sticky part. Now I'm sure you all understand why I had to take a few days to cry about all of this.

With having an official date to mark on the calendar it feels like the count down is on. Good or bad...not sure how I feel about it...guess it depends on what day you catch me on.

We knew going into foster care that this was not going to be easy. We've heard the scary stories and the success stories. We just have to hold on to the fact that God has a plan for this baby's life. Our prayer is that His plan includes us getting to be H's parents. Right now we are cherishing every moment, even the waking up at 4am moments....yes, we're back to waking up at night, but I don't mind. It's those sweet moments that remind me why I wanted to become a foster parent, why I'm so attached to this baby and why I was put here on this Earth.