get in and hang on

knowing I need to update...but not sure where to begin.

It was this way all month long. March was hard. Wouldn't want to repeat it.

I've heard the old saying that March comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb. And that couldn't be more true for us this month. There's a lot I can't share, but what I can say is that for as difficult as the first 3 weeks in March were, this last week has made up for them.

This was one of those times in my life where I know that God was/is growing me to be something more. It's hard, growing pains aren't easy...but necessary.

With April 20th still being the big day, most of the last month felt like a count down to how many days we had left with him. It's hard to even think about now. Everything is completely out of our control...our future with H is literally in the hands of strangers.

Kris and I basically had to come to the conclusion that we needed to be grateful for the time that we had been given with H and not be mad if we weren't given more. We weren't even guaranteed that he was going to be with us 3 months let alone 10.

We had to be thankful for what we already had. Praying for the child we love & praying for his future, but thankful that we atleast had been able to have him this long.

I think God led us to this place so that we wouldn't love the gift more than the giver. We are blessed to have this sweet baby, but we are more thankful to God that He chose to bless us with H for this time.

So talk about roller coaster, by last week everything had changed...and in our opinion for the better. Nothing is definite, we still have no control, and we know it could all change again, but we see God working.

As of right now H will atleast be with us thru his birthday in mid-May. I couldn't be more happy to know that we get to celebrate his first birthday. It just makes my heart happy.

Alot can happen between now and April 20th(all prayers appreciated) but right now my heart & mind are at peace. I don't know if it's the calm before the storm or the peace that passes all understanding...but right now it doesn't matter.

The countdown clock seems to have slowed down and for that I'm grateful...even though I am still waiting on it to break down completely :) ...one thing at a time.