a common theme

Before baby H came into our lives, our only child was our black pug, Harley. Pugs are people pleasers and are known for having curious little expressions when you talk to them. Harley tilts his head and just stares at you like he's listening intently and knows exactly what I'm saying to him.

That's the way people look at us when they first find out we're foster parents. It's funny once you know what to look for. Most everyone will tilt their head and then touch their hand their chest and say, "oh that's so great. Good for you." Then their next sentence is always one of the following:

"I could never be a foster parent. It would be too hard on me, I'd never be able to let them go."
"I would love to be a foster parent, but what if you get a kid that has...issues? I just couldn't handle that."

Our answer to the first statement is this: It's not about I/me/you/us.
We had to decide that this is not about us. This is about doing what is best for the child. It's about giving them a safe place to land for however long they need it. It's about pouring Jesus into their lives, b/c they might not have that opportunity again.
Kris is alot better about this than I am. Especially in the beginning, I was constantly reminding myself that this was not about me, it's about baby H. He needs to bond, he needs to learn to cry, he needs consistancy, he needs love. But I wanted it to be about me so bad, I wanted everyone to know that our home was the best place for him. Is it hard?...absolutely. Do you get attached?...how can you not. If you are going to love these kids the way they should be loved, then attachment is inevitable.

Our answer to the second statement usually looks something like this:
Isn't that the point? I mean, we are not guaranteed that our own biological child would be born without problems or issues. Why should this child be rejected based on something he/she had no control of? Someone has to be the person brave enough to say, "Enough! I will help you no matter what you're going thru." ...isn't that a picture of what God did for us anyways?

My friend Joan did exactly this. She took in an older child(7+ is considered an older child) that had been bounced around from home to home. Labled as too hard, moody and difficult. She made the decision that no matter what this child would not see another foster home, except for hers, until he was adopted. It was hard, and sometimes I know she thought she had made a mistake. But slowly this child opened up and became a different kid. He needed someone who would stay and not push him away. He needed someone who would set the boundaries and not give in. He needed someone to love him no matter what and teach him how to be loved. He needed someone to get him ready for his forever home. And when he was ready, he was adopted. Yeah, Joan's a rockstar.

Somewhere along the line, those fears went away. I'm not sure when or how, but I came to a point where they just didn't matter anymore. I knew that what was more important was that the child in my house was loved, safe and being cared for better than he/she had been cared for previously.

Sometimes that old fear still creeps in...that one day this baby, that we have loved for 7 of his 8 months of life, won't be with us.

Sometimes that fear is paralizing.

But if I let it over take me, then I wouldn't be doing my job as his foster mom.

Even as I write the last sentence, I had to stop and re-read it to make sure it was me saying it... Sometimes I feel my brain says things that my heart just doesn't believe yet...just add that to the list of things I'm working on.